Sunday, June 06, 2010

Oh Hell This Is Funny!

I did not write this, but I loved it so much that this is the third time I reposted it.

The Tattlesnake — You Might Be a Neocon If… Edition By RS Janes
With a hat tip to Jeff Foxworthy, it’s time to play:You Might Be a Neocon
If…… you believe Bush and Cheney are moral men with your best interests at heart…. you believe Bush’s press secretary Dana Perino (or any Bush press secretary in the past) is actually telling you the unvarnished truth…. you don’t want to pay a dime for national health care, yet expect a taxpayer-funded emergency room to treat you immediately after you’ve had an accident… you think Bush is right even when he’s proven wrong, again and again.… you think Karl Rove is a great historian…. you think there actually is a War on Christmas outside of Bill O’Reilly’s head…. you think Michael Moore’s “Fahrenheit 911″ is a pack of lies from start to finish, yet you’ve never seen it and have vowed you never will…. you’ve ever rendered a strong opinion on ANY book, magazine article, website, film, TV show or play you’ve never actually read or seen…. you think waterboarding is a new sport for teenagers…. you think any government program that helps ordinary people is horrible socialism, but when our tax money is spent to pay contractors for shoddy work and overcharges, that’s free market capitalism at work…. you think questions surrounding the events of 9/11 are ridiculous, but firmly believe that the Clintons had something to do with the death of Vince Foster…. you think Bush ignoring the August 6, 2001 CIA brief entitled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in United States” was understandable, since he was on vacation…. you think Rudy Giuliani is a hero for making a few speeches and posing for some photo-ops after the 9/11 attack…. you think Osama bin Laden is a lying terrorist sack of crap, yet he was telling the truth when said he wanted John Kerry as president in 2004, right before Election Day…. you think every problem America has can be traced to liberals and/or Democrats…. you’ve ever called anyone a ‘pinko’ or ‘commie,’ especially someone who demonstrably isn’t either….you don’t know the difference between socialism and communism and you don’t really care either…. you think a) Saddam Hussein had WMD and hid them somewhere outside of the country right before the US invaded, or b) you think we found WMD in Iraq…. you think the torturing of prisoners at Abu Ghraib was no worse than a fraternity initiation…. you think former CIA covert agent Valerie Plame ‘deserved’ to be outed because her husband is a ‘traitor’ who revealed the truth about Bush’s phony claims that Iraq tried to buy Niger uranium…. you think junkies should spend long sentences in jail but Rush Limbaugh should be forgiven for his human frailty…. you think Ann Coulter is hilariously funny…. you think talk show blabber Dennis Praeger is either a religious expert, conservative intellectual, political philosopher, entirely sane, or all four.– you are a Christian who experiences temporary blindness whenever you read the Sermon on the Mount…. you think every word in the Bible was written by God in English, even the letters to the Greeks by Paul…. you are waiting for Armageddon and believe you will be taken up into heaven during ‘The Rapture,’ even though you lie to your customers, sell products that are made by slave labor overseas, or own a private mercenary company that murders people in other countries…. you think individual people need strong laws and strict enforcement to keep them in line, but corporations should be able to make their own rules without government interference…. you think no-bid contracts are a smart way for the government to do business…. you think Rudy Giuliani or Mitt Romney are ‘good Christian men.’… you think Richard Nixon was brought down by the ‘liberal media.’… you think ‘habeas corpus’ has something to do with hamsters, so what’s the big deal?… you hate the theory of evolution even though you’ve never read it…. you’ve ever read a rant by Michelle Malkin without laughing out loud at its sheer rancorous stupidity…. you think Charles Krauthammer is sane…. you think Norman Podhoretz should be the Secretary of Defense…. you can’t find anything that Don Rumsfeld did wrong as Secretary of Defense… you watch “24″ and believe if we only had a guy like the fictional Jack Bauer in charge of our intelligence operations, we could lick the terrorists in a month or two…. you are a self-hating closeted gay male politician.

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